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Doing the Good Kind of Scary

courage newsletters May 14, 2024

Storytime with Ruby

When I was on the brink of leaving a 10 year relationship in the middle of a pandemic, I had to ask myself:

What's scarier?...

Making this choice for myself?
Waking up in five years and realizing that literally nothing has changed (or the things that had changed were not my choice)?

One of those things is the good kind of scary. The other is absolutely terrifying to me!

There are moments every day when we allow our actions to be swayed by the sheer intention to not ‘rock the boat.’ None of us enjoys confrontation, especially when it could risk our jobs, relationships, or identities. But at the same time, no one really trusts you (including you) if you’re unwilling to take a stand for anything.

And sometimes taking a stand has nothing to do with an argument. Sometimes taking a stand simply means choosing for yourself with your best interest in mind.

Sometimes taking a stand just means following your heart.

Actually, that’s all it really means. Taking a stand is just listening and following your heart through the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Sometimes following your heart makes other people uncomfortable, awkward, angry, confused, or even happy. This is a good time to remind you: Other people’s reactions are not your responsibility.

Still, it’s natural for us to stay tangled up in expectations, image, and obligation. We rely on the ‘what if’s’ to motivate our actions.

Well, what if we stopped the nonsense of ‘what if'??

What if our ‘what if’s’ became possibilities instead of lingering destruction? What if our ‘what if’s’ were “What if I could be ridiculously peaceful, successful, and happy” instead of “What if the world ends because I did the wrong thing”? What if, instead of feeding fear, we chose to act from a space of powerful love and truth?

The switch isn’t easy. Choosing Love over fear is the same as choosing to rock your own (life)boat. You will feel unsteady, nauseous, and disoriented sometimes, but that is part of being set free from your own limitations.

As you journey into your heart, you will feel lighter, stronger, and be capable of so much more compassion. You will learn to act from your heart instead of dread. You will reprogram your ‘what if terrible things happen’ to ‘what if every single amazing thing on earth is possible for me.’

So when you find yourself on the brink of a shift, ask yourself:
What's scarier? Doing this thing? Or the possibility of waking up in 5 years and nothing is different or the things that have changed were not your choosing?

Ultimately the tough love I give myself sounds like this: Would you rather your life be controlled by fear, or would you rather your life be filled with love, confidence, and the 'what if's' of possibility? To me, the answer is clear, and that clarity helps offer me courage.

So choose. Listen inward. Act with confidence. And follow through with these 3 reminders:

1. Do what you want– It’s easier said than done, but this simple choice will liberate you from so much guilt and shame if you let it. Let yourself do what you want, what you need, what serves you. Own your choices, actions, and words. Speak clearly, act in confidence. When you start doing what you want, people respect your time and energy more than ever, and they know that you are present with your whole heart.

2. Trust the process– Breathe deeply. If you’re breathing, then you are ok. Allow yourself to be taken care of by the Universe. Tell yourself the truth that everything in the universe is conspiring in your favor. Trust the interactions, coincidences, and ups and downs of each day. Relish in the beauty of each moment. Don’t rush. Instead, know that the process is trustworthy and sometimes we need to slow down. Let life happen for you, not to you.

3. Have a friend(s) who supports your vision– Hang out, conspire, drink coffee, sweat, and eat with people who believe in you, people who don’t think you’re crazy because they are living the same way, people who listen and love you through your visions and mess ups and joys, people who bring their own dreams into reality. And when these people are no longer people who support you and your vision, find new people.

When you rock the (life)boat, it can be (VERY) scary. But the more you practice, the easier it gets to trust yourself. Trust me :)

Being YOU is your adventure of a lifetime. Be bold for yourself. Stand up for what you believe in, and dream your dreams into your reality. This is your chance to show up for yourself, in ways big and small.

I see you. I love you. I'm cheering for you.

You're Doing Great,


PS When you're ready, we're here to support. Try personalized Self Study Coaching with me or Kate. We've been fortifying folks to make empowered choices in their lives for over a decade, and around here we do the work together as a reminder that we're not alone. ๐Ÿงก

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