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Welcome to your Post Traumatic Growth Era

acceptance anger boundaries newsletters May 17, 2024

Storytime with Kate

I have just DEVOURED Out of the Fog: Moving From Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse.

Before you dive into this I do want to make a disclaimer: I'm annoyed that a lot of the internet is like "everyone and everything is a narcissist" because that's just not true. It's an over used term that's thrown towards anything that people simply don't like or is just generally problematic for you. Many people are not actually narcissists. AND, a lot of behavior is problematic. So no, not everybody is a narcissist. We all have problematic behavior and as long as we're willing to work on that within our relationships, we're good to go... AND if someone you're in relationship with isn't willing to work on your relationship with you, maybe it's not the right relationship  anymore.


The link above takes you to where we've created a virtual bookshelf that houses some of me and Ruby's favorite books throughout the years that have met us where we're at in our journey to self discovery through our Self Study Practices. Please feel free to do some browsing and shopping. We do get a little kickback from sales (but we haven't ever sold enough to make that happen lol) but regardless we love that supports local bookstores!


Anyway, I listened to the entire 8 hour audiobook in three days. I couldn't stop. It highlighted so many of the things that I've been taught and told throughout my lifetime that has kept me feeling confused about who I am, who I'm supposed to be, and how to be in healthy relationships.


Not only was this behavior shown to me within my family but it runs RAMPANT in the wellness/yoga/fitness industry. Anytime we use a system or religion to control WHO we're allowed to be... that's damaging.


The author uses a phrase called "Post Traumatic Growth" to describe what's possible. And Ruby and I understand Post Traumatic Growth on a very very deep level because it's exactly what the My Self Study Practice gives you access to. Over and over again. 


Ruby and I both have been moving through the themes of the My Self Study Practice together with each other, on our own, with you our clients, blog readers, podcast listeners, My Self Study Program Participants, and anyone who's participated in a Yoga Teacher Training Program where we've facilitated our "the Duality of Harm and Healing Workshop." 


And if you've seen the free course that's available from us called "From Confusion to Clarity: start making decisions that feel right", then you get why this book has been wildly validating for me:

because all my life, around every corner, there's been someone who's said, "you don't really understand what's going on here." Y'all this is called gaslighting. And it's one thing to know the term, it's another thing to know when it's happening to you.


Part of having a Self Study Practice is continuing to develop the language to describe your experience. I bought this book on Audible because I had 2 unused credits and it popped up so I figured "why not." And I couldn't put it down because it was such a feeling of "I feel so seen."

And when you've been gaslight throughout your life and you're learning to let yourself be seen no matter what happens next, you're doing courage. Big time courage. The truth is harsh when it comes to "showing up and letting yourself be seen." Instagram is quick to convince you that there's a lot of freedom in "showing up and letting yourself be seen." Like it'll be all bubbles and rainbows! But the facts are there's a huge huge huge opportunity for hurt: you're more often going to be misunderstood, rejected, reprimanded, criticized, gaslight, disliked... the list goes on.


*the freedom comes when you get to the place in your growth where all of that bullshit doesn't leak over into how you also see yourself - it doesn't become your personal truth. This is very much still something I'm working on - incrementally, my self study practice is getting me there. i can feel it :) *


Discernment is the name of the game: you get to "show up and let yourself be seen" when it's appropriate for you. You get to choose that. You get to choose who you let it. You get to choose who you give the opportunity to hurt you... they won't always take the swing but the unfortunate facts are that sometimes they will.


And discernment says: the folks who do take the swing aren't my people. The people who try to knock you down a peg, aren't your people. 


Just because someone else is hurting so much that they always try to hurt you too, doesn't mean you have to stick around for that relationship. There are so so so many people in the world. You get to have healthy relationships that are mutual and reciprocal.


Because, what about you?! *and ooooof this one is hard for me because the question I grew up being asked is "but what about them?!"


Part of what the author suggests in the book as you unfold from psychological abuse is a lot of what we work on in one on one Self Study Coaching as well as the My Self Study Program: what are your likes and dislikes? And creating an energy budget: what gives you energy and what takes your energy.


Shew big exhale even as a write this.

If you've had a lifetime of other people telling you who you are and now you don't truly know the difference between who other people are and who you know yourself to be, I want to work with you. I want to help you know yourself. See yourself. Appreciate yourself. Be honest with yourself.


I wish I could accurately articulate just how fast I've been typing this today so that you can really feel how it's spilling out on the page... 


If this resonates even at all, get the book. Then send me a dm, or reply to this email. Let's do some coaching together. Let's get you out of the fog.

In my personal experience, that confusion of the fog takes away a part of life... like, my own vitality.

If you feel like part of you is... missing? Silent? Lost? The good new is you can get them back :) And we're here to help.


You're Doing Great,



PS When you're ready, we're here to support. Try personalized Self Study Coaching with Ruby or me. We've been fortifying folks to make empowered choices in their lives for over a decade, and around here we do the work together as a reminder that we're not alone. ๐Ÿงก

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