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Finding Our Way: The Soft Side of Boundaries

boundaries self study self study coaching Sep 01, 2023

Storytime with Ruby

Hey there,
Guess what? The Self-Study Program's theme for this month is... wait for it... Boundaries! And let me tell you, eyes popped and jaws literally hit the floor during our last Zoom call. It's funny how we all get jittery at the mere mention of the B-word. Don't boundaries usually spell out messy confrontations and some level of drama? Ah, the world wide web has a thing or two to say about that - 'spotted three red flags? Time to snip that bond!'. In the heat of the moment, we might build these towering emotional walls, but that’s not always the real essence of boundaries.
Relationships, after all, are like a dance of two. Now, I'm not saying there aren't folks out there who could do with a dose of distance. But what about those connections that have their rough patches but are still so dear to our hearts? We can't just play the cutting game until we're the last ones standing.
Boundaries, in my book, aren’t about pushing everyone away. They're about pulling the right ones in close. And guess what? You're the DJ here. You decide the playlist.
Now, story time. My grandparents recently made the trek from Georgia to Colorado for a visit. If you’ve hung around me, you’ve probably heard about the rollercoaster ride that is my relationship with my grandmother. She has her way of loving, and sometimes it involves questioning my life choices. She once said to me, quite candidly, "I don't care if you're happy. I care about what's right and wrong." Ouch, right? Needless to say that when they mentioned coming out here, I had all the feels. The anxiety, the anticipation... and did I mention I made sure to stash away all my 'witchy' books?
But guess what? We had a blast! It was heartwarming, and when they left, there was this tiny void. It's been an enlightening week for me, thinking back on how setting and adjusting boundaries over the years with grandmother came full circle during this visit. Had I slammed the door on her years ago, we'd never have shared these precious moments. It's all about striking a balance. Keeping an open heart, but also knowing when to say, 'this far and no further'.
Boundaries? They don't always have to be a dramatic showdown. They're gentle nudges, conscious choices, signals that say 'I'm taking care of me, but I respect you too.'
So here's to drawing lines that bring the right hearts closer.
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