You Doing You Matters: When they do THAT, we do THIS

Storytime with Ruby

I imagine this email is likely to get lost among the hustle and bustle of black friday deals and holiday prep, but I figured what the hell. On the small chance that you see it, it's worth you knowing this.

*this is also why I'm posting it here on our blog*

I was in a zoom meeting recently for my side gig and as an opening practice we were asked to reflect on what we want to Keep, Stop, and Start in our lives as we move into the end of the year, beginning of 2024.

"I've been really prioritizing my sleep, and I've realized that I feel best when I have 9 hours. So I want to keep doing that for myself. I want to keep getting 9 hours of sleep on average," a colleague beamed as she shared. 

"Yes!" I thought. "You go girl!"

But before we moved on and before anyone else got a chance to share, the chatbox started dinging. Several people came off mute. 

It became a cacophony of "I wish I could get 9 hours of sleep," "That must be nice," "I have three kids, 2 dogs, and a cat, so I'm lucky if I get 6 hours of sleep," "Just wait til you get older; you'll be lucky to be able to stay asleep for anywhere near that long, if ever."

My heart broke as I watched her glowing smile fade into an appeasing grin, the attackers blindly and selfishly unaware of the impact they were having in the moment.

The energy shifted from pride to shame. A simple reflection that was meant to highlight our personal growths and intentions while offering us a sense of shared connection as a team quickly turned into comparison bingo.

I certainly didn't want to share after that.

And it made me think about how this happens all the time. In a moment when we intend to connect, we dump.

The dreaded I wish... or Just wait...

I wish I could workout everyday like her...

I wish my kids would stay in bed long enough for me to sleep 9 hours...

Just wait until you've been married 10 years... you won't be having so much sex then...

Just wait until you have kids... you won't have time for pedicures anymore...

What else has someone told you in a moment of your honest sharing that shifted the focus from your share to their lack? Seriously hit reply bc I wanna know!

In that moment in the zoom room I wanted to reach through the screen and hug her.

I wanted to say "Don't listen to them. Thank you for sharing. It's incredible that you're prioritizing yourself in that way. Keep doing what feels right according to YOU. And keep sharing yourself as you do, because whether you know it or not you're giving someone else permission, too."

If your holiday season is anything like mine, there's a high chance you'll hear some unsolicited I wish...  or Just wait... in the upcoming month.

I want you to remember this, {{ first_name }}:

(Imagine my voice in your ear, like a little angel on your shoulder 😇)

Don't listen to them. 

Thank you for sharing. 

It's incredible that you're prioritizing yourself in that way. 

Keep doing what feels right according to YOU. 

And keep sharing yourself as you do, because whether you know it or not you're giving someone else permission, too.

And when someone says something that makes you feel small or invalidates how you show up, I invite you to even consider saying something like "It's taken a lot of consistency and strategy to make this work, and I'm proud I can take care of myself in this way." or "I've learned a lot about boundaries in the last year and I've gotten really good at managing my time to prioritize what's important to me" or "I don't appreciate you putting fearful thoughts in my head. I look forward to writing my own story in my own way."

I see you, {{ first_name }}. And I'm rooting for you.

You're doing great!
Ruby

PS Don't forget to move the pent up, stuck energy amidst the bustle. Here's a playlist I've been moving to this week. 

PPS The work we do through the My Self Study Practice equips you to meet those moments with grace and confidence, like having a shield against projections of shame and an inner compass to bring you back home to yourself.

When you're ready, you can work with us in these ways:
📔 Get the journal
⚡️ Work with myself or Kate via Self Study Coaching. 10 sessions designed to support you exactly where you are using the transformational 9-theme framework of the MSSP
🦋 Get on the waitlist for the 2024 Self Study Program, a group coaching curriculum where everything belongs and growth is inevitable